Solved and Unsolved Problems

A personal reflection

This one is a bit self-revelatory. More LiveJournal than SubStack. It may only be of interest if you know me, or if you know someone like me, or if you are yourself a bit like me and want to get to know yourself better. I won't be offended if you skip.

…

People, including some people who know me quite well, often observe that I appear "frustrated". I can see why they might think that, but what is actually happening is that I'm grappling with a problem. I'm not very choosey about which problems to grapple with, and generally once a problem becomes salient to me I tend to adopt it wholeheartedly as "my problem", that I must solve. That includes problems that in cold calculation would appear low priority, or too theoretical to matter, or too outside my sphere of influence to be worth my time. And once a problem becomes "my problem", I don't let go until I arrive at something that feels like a satisfactory solution. I obsess. My body language and facial expression signal extreme stress. And if I'm honest, that's not just a misleading outward appearance. I do actually experience stress and other rather unpleasant feelings. The reason, I suspect, many people classify this as being "frustrated" is that they predict that they would become frustrated if they were in my place. I wouldn't describe my own state of mind in these moments as frustration, but rather as compulsion. And on the whole I don't view it as negative. There's a problem. It can be solved. It will be solved, eventually. And then I can relax. Until another problem presents itself.

…

People, including some people who know me quite well, often observe that I "think fast". That observation usually comes with a flavour of bewilderment, as if I just performed some astonishing magic trick, or maybe my mind really does operate at quantum speed and comes up with good answers almost instantaneously. I can see why it might appear that way - presented with a problem, I blurt out what sounds like a mostly reasonable or at least well thought through solution, without pause. But of course I don't think exceptionally fast. I think at average speed, or perhaps even at below average speed. What happens in these situations is that the problem presented to me is not novel. I have already encountered it before, and either solved it myself, or asked for advice from someone who knows how to solve it, or read about a solution. And now that I know how this problem is solved I feel no need to spend any time or energy grappling with it again. I actually make a conscious effort to remember how to solve problems. I take detailed notes, categorise and edit them constantly, and brainwash myself into not forgetting them with regular spaced repetition. It seems like the sensible thing to do, considering that solving problems from scratch is such an effortful and unpleasant experience for me.

…

So, no, I'm not "frustrated", and I don't "think fast" at all. I just solve problems once, with great intensity, and then file the solutions for future re-use.